The cultivation of love

In the Buddhist tradition going back to the Buddha, there are four brahma-viharas, or positive emotions, which Buddhists are advised to cultivate as an important aspect of their spiritual path. These four positive emotions are love or loving-kindness (metta), compassion (karuna), sympathetic joy (mudita) and equanimity (upeksa)[1]. What underlies all of these is a positive emotional response of consistently willing good towards both oneself and others, whether they are suffering or rejoicing. This positive emotion needs to be consistent, impartial and unconditional, not due to an attachment to an idea of what one can get back from others, nor in response to their attractive qualities. Each of the positive emotions is cultivated systematically through a meditation practice, which gradually aims to broaden positive sympathies that already exist.

The great strength that Buddhism offers here is the possibility of cultivating love. In comparison with Christianity, for example, Buddhism seems to offer a much more practical approach to love, less dependent on metaphysical beliefs. Christianity celebrates love a great deal, but regards it as a gift of God rather than as a mental state possessed by human beings. Buddhism, on the other hand, shows an effort to get to grips with the conditions that actually give rise to love in the human mind, and also those that take it away again.

Another strength that Buddhism offers here is a recognition of the importance of self-love. The metta-bhavana (cultivation of loving-kindness) meditation, like the similar meditations on the other three positive emotions, begins with the cultivation of love towards oneself. In this respect Buddhism is not unique, as Western psychology has independently reached a widespread understanding of the importance of self-esteem to the basic psychological health of the individual. However, it provides an additional voice against the deeply mistaken view still widespread in the world, that love consists in self-abnegation and the alienated renunciation of one’s own interests. The central symbol of Christianity, the crucifixion, often seems to be understood as conveying the message that love is self-sacrificial. The positive value of Buddhism simply pointing out that love is not a brand of masochism cannot be underestimated.

Broadly speaking, love in Buddhism is seen as needing to be in balance with wisdom, an insight which accords fully with the Middle Way. Love without wisdom is mere sentimentality, which does not take into account the context or the consequences of love. On the other hand, wisdom without love is impotent. It is possible to have a good understanding of conditions, but for this understanding to be merely abstract and not to motivate action. Love is part of the emotional state of the organism, which can actually drive us to reach out rather than remain in our habitual behaviour.

Love, then, is a central aspect of the Middle Way, the emotional aspect of the way in which one gets to grips with conditions. One can get to grips with one’s own bad habits only by caring about oneself. One becomes involved with the life of others, beyond simply making use of them, only when motivated by love for them. Even animals, plants, places or the world in general can be objects of love, motivating action to protect them.

However, unfortunately in this area as in others Buddhism can be its own worst enemy – indeed has not shown sufficient care for its own welfare to be consistent. There are some confusions in the ways in which Buddhists often understand love, which are often supported by the contradictory ways in which the Buddhist tradition presents it. These are not very surprising given the contradictions examined elsewhere in this book, which spill over into the treatment of love. I will be examining two aspects of this treatment. One is in the idealised way in which the importance of love can be presented, which is linked to a continuing vein of asceticism in the Buddhist treatment of love. The other area concerns the troubled and complex relationship between love, self-regard, and the individual.

[1] For more information, see, for example, Sharon Salzberg, Loving-kindness (Shambhala 1995)